Another strange 24 hours!
I did not expect to post again over the weekend, but it has been a strange 24 hours for me, and I felt it important to share. Keeping yourself as motivated as possible is really tough to maintain, especially when you see the piles of bills mounting, the prospects of solutions dwindling, and a hard cold reality facing you just right there in front of you. We all have obligations and responsibilities, and others who rely on us will only be patient for so long before the pressure mounts, and when the answer “it will be OK”, and “maybe next week” just really don’t cut it anymore. I am in this situation, and I am sure that many of you are also – it is a tough way to live each day, and for some of you it quite literally is survival.
Yesterday I visited a friends, they live day-to-day, struggling each month to pay the bills, whether to buy more of this and that, where is the cheapest they can buy, whether they drive to work or walk, whether they pay gas or water – you know how it is a struggle; they got screwed by the banking fiasco with Swiss Franc mortgages, one of them cannot work because he suffers from PTSD, the other works in a bottle recycling facility for 250e per month; they offered me lunch which I accepted and was grateful for – this is also the reality I live in each day.
After lunch I walked home and began to thinking really what the fuck am I doing with my life, where am I going, what am I going to do next week, how am I going to pay my rent and bills…yep there came the ego playing with me, I have no answers for it but I also need to stay positive and motivated otherwise this downward spiral will not be pleasant to watch – I have no choice but to clear my mind of these thoughts; it is very difficult for others to comprehend and relate to, but I am pretty sure they understand it at some level.
Last night I went to bed at 22.22, very early for me, I was woken at 0306..and again a few times, but I did not check the time – but I finally got out of bed at 0842, do you see the commonality here? This is happening a lot to me lately so I am really pulling my hair our (not that I have much left) to get to grips with this whole experience – we need patience, yet we are reminded each day so many times of our twin or the presence of our angels – we wake up having had a dream of them, or with thoughts of them in our face, what is it all about?
This alone time is important I feel, it is essential for cleansing and healing those things that need to be done – and I can say that as this morning even I was crying – it was not feeling sorry for myself, I was sat on the floor playing with a stray cat that I feed each day, she was early today for some reason – must have sense I needed her around. Animals have this ability to sense these things in their human friends, so don’t be surprised if your pets become ultra-sensitive around you these days.
I really do believe each of us is required to take time out to relax, reflect and resonate fully with what is going on around and in our lives, it is as if we are being a radar determining who is close, who will pass, and who is on a parallel course etc we can also see the storms on the same radar, it is up to us whether we ride it out, or by changing course and going around it or to be brave and sail right on through it, knowing that there is absolutely no control over the situation, conditions of the sea are unknown, whether we will make it the other side in one piece or not.
All I can say is I will sail through the storm, knowing full well that once I am through my vision is clear, my destination known and all that I will need on that journey will be provided by the Universe, this is what keeps me motivated each day – I see the signs, I accept the challenges and will always trust all is how it should be, and all will be OK – my ego may question it, as it should, as long as I answer it with love, and trust it can go back to sleep.
I wish you all a pleasant and fun filled weekend
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